9 English conversation mistakes to avoid

Mohamed Shaik
Two young women on a sofa talking to eachother

As humans, we learn and grow through our interactions with other people. Often these encounters are centered around great conversations – rich, meaningful exchanges among a small group of people where each person actively listens and shares. Great discussions are invaluable – they enrich our understanding of people and the world around us. Socially, being someone who can engage effortlessly with others allows us to create deep friendships and gain incredible personal growth and satisfaction. In our careers, we are more effective when we work well with others – the ability to collaborate and solve problems together makes us more effective professionals and makes our businesses more successful.

Common English conversation mistakes

But what if you must hold a conversation in English and it is not your native language? One of the many obstacles to learning something new, like English conversation, is that it can be difficult, time-consuming and even a little scary! That’s why we put together a list of nine English conversation mistakes to avoid that apply whether you are speaking with one or several people at once. Keep these tips in mind to help you improve your interactions with people all over the world…

1) Faking interest in the person

One of the things that separates a conversation from a 'transaction' (such as ordering something in a restaurant) is the genuine mutual interest of each person in the other. If one isn’t interested in knowing more about the other person, neither will engage meaningfully, and the interaction will become transactional or just 'small talk'. Most people are fascinating – take the time to learn what you can about them.

2) Discussing negative and sensitive topics

People are more engaged and willing to share when they are relaxed and happy. Especially when you don’t know someone well, it is always better to focus on the positives – avoid both sharing your biggest troubles and bringing up topics that could be negative from a cultural, religious, political, or even personal perspective. There is always something positive to share!

3) Trying to 'win' an argument

Particularly when speaking with someone you don’t know well and/or someone from another country or background, it is precarious for a conversation (especially one where you are practicing your English conversation skills) to evolve into a debate or argument. It is likely that for any two people, there will be many points of disagreement, and if such differences emerge, it’s better to attempt to understand the other person’s point of view rather than to 'win' an argument. It is perfectly acceptable to agree to disagree about specific issues and move on.

4) Disrespecting others beliefs

If you want a great conversation, others must feel you aren’t judgmental. When someone feels their ideas and beliefs are questioned or belittled, any meaningful exchange will often shut down. Instead, try listening for understanding, and you may learn something!

5) 'Hogging' the stage

It is said that great actors make their fellow performers look great. It is the essence of teamwork, and the same principle applies to great conversationalists. Ask questions that allow others to be positive, confident, and maybe even a little boastful, but certainly remember to do it in a genuine way. The positive energy will be contagious!

6) Fearing learning something unknown

There are over seven billion people worldwide, and none are exactly like you! The greatest learning experiences are often from interactions with those who are very different from ourselves. Embrace and celebrate those differences. Allow others to share their unique perspective and journey, always keeping in mind we all share so much in common. We all want to be happy, love others, and have meaning in our lives.

7) Trying to be someone you are not

There’s only one person you can be, so don’t try to be someone else or something you are not. A great conversation is based on authenticity; most people can easily sense when another is not truthful or authentic. While keeping in mind all of the other rules, it’s both acceptable and expected for you to share your own journey!

8) Monopolizing the conversation

We’ve all been in those conversations where the other person dominates by talking incessantly. At some point, we shut down, just waiting for it to end. Active listening and learning ceases. Engagement requires participation from both parties – don’t hold back from sharing, but at the same time, don’t be that person who dominates and effectively shuts down that engagement.

9) Focusing on superficial topics

What separates a great conversation from 'small talk' is the meaningful nature of the dialog. Talking about the weather doesn’t elicit much other than maybe politeness. A great conversationalist elicits meaningful thoughts from others, and those come from purposeful questions. People love to think; asking them something that requires thoughtfulness deepens the conversation's value and strengthens the relationship between the parties.

Discover more English tips in our other blog posts

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  • A woman reading outside with a book

    Three ways English students can learn to read at home

    By Kate Fitzpatrick
    Reading time: 4 minutes

    Read more at home if you want to learn English faster: three ways to get into the habit

    I can hear parents, ELT learners and teachers all over the world thinking to themselves: We know it helps if English students learn to read for pleasure at home, but how are we supposed to find the time? Who is buying these materials? What if a parent doesn’t speak English themselves?

    That’s the beauty of reading at home, also called extensive reading: it’s completely autonomous and parents can be as involved as much or little as they like. There’s more good news as it’s never been cheaper to assemble a selection of extensive readers for your children or students, meaning that cost is no longer so much of a barrier to reading at home.

    Is extensive reading really that critical to learning English?

    Stephen D. Krashen’s [1]offers a marvellous summary and critique of extensive reading studies around the world, concluding that:

    "When [second language learners] read for pleasure, they can continue to improve in their second language without classes, without teachers, without study and even without people to converse with.’"(Krashen 1993 p. 84)

    Philip Prowse’s excellent article, “What is the secret of extensive reading?”[2]agrees with Krashen’s conclusion.

    Prowse goes into more detail about efficacy studies at primary, secondary and adult levels. This body of evidence finds that reading for pleasure improves results in grammar, writing, speaking and fluency, as well as comprehension and vocabulary – both alongside and instead of traditional textbooks.

    So, we know it works. As with so many education-related things, the question is how to implement them. Christine Nuttall talks about the virtuous circle of reading – once a learner begins to enjoy reading, they are more likely to read more and benefit more from it, so they learn to read more, and so on.

    The reverse is also true. The questions then follow: how do we motivate our Instakids to read at home in English, if they won’t read in their first language? How do we carve out time between travel, work, school and homework? Here are three ways you can form the habit of reading at home:

    1. Learners need access to extensive reading material at home to use it

    Krashen establishes this common-sense fact based on five studies from 1983 to 2003.[2]It can be a reading app, an online library subscription or a pile of readers in the corner – whatever it is, it has to be the right level for the student and it has to be a topic they’re interested in, or they’ll never learn to read for pleasure.

    Negative reading habits can happen simply because there isn’t much available to the learner: Worthy and McCool studied 11 sixth-graders in 1998 who "hated to read", and found a direct correlation between those students and the lack of reading material at home.[3] Thankfully, we now have more options than we used to:

    For extensive reading online, the Extensive Reading Foundation offers good-quality, free materials, in audio and print, at its .These text resources and audiobooks tend to be quite basic and the stories are largely classics. You can choose by level and genre, and there is also a publisher directory.

    • You can purchase full ɫèAV English Readers and other publishers’ Kindle editions on the Kindle store, iBookstore and Google Play, and read them on an e-reader, phone or tablet using the Kindle app. These are finely-graded, contemporary, relevant e-books with titles like , , , , , , and .
    • An e-book library subscription can be a cost-effective way to get access to a lot of e-books online through your browser. is a Japanese-run online library which offers hundreds of full-text graded readers, from reputable publishers, and charges about $19 per year.
    • For print readers, cost can be an issue. If you can't buy readers at your local bookshop from a publisher like ɫèAV, you can buy first- or second-hand readers cheaply from Amazon or the Book Depository, or you can ask your school to let you know when they’re upgrading their readers library, as you may be able to take some of the older books home.

    2.Make the most of the commute or the school run

    The key here is routine – give it a try and see if it works for you. Reading doesn’t just happen on a page. Today’s English learners have multiple ways to read for pleasure on their various devices as well as in print, all of which are well-adapted for reading and listening on the train/on the bus/in the car/on foot.

    I listen to podcasts on my commute by train and, to this day, I know my times tables thanks to a tape my mother used to play in the car on the way to primary school.

    • Download a podcast or audiobook. Ideally, an English learner would both read and listen, but one or the other is better than nothing. Audible.com has plenty of English extensive readers in audiobook format, and a year’s membership is $10 per month, or you can buy individual audiobooks. There are classic extensive reading podcasts available on iTunes for $4.99 each.
    • Never underestimate your public library.is an online service that finds your local library for you, wherever you are in the world. You can also search by title and see which libraries carry that particular book. Just think: you could create an instant, extensive reading library at your home for free that changes every month.

    3. Consider the power of rewards

    You can reward your child or reward yourself for building a reading habit. Remember, we are talking about starting a virtuous circle: persuading a learner to begin a new habit of reading in English for pleasure. Reward mechanisms can be very effective.

    This idea should be explored on a case-by-case basis – it depends on what you or your child responds to best. In my opinion, starting a reading habit is well worth a glass of wine, a chocolate treat, or an extra half-hour playing video games.

    References

    [1]Krashen, Stephen D. (2004),p57

    [2] Prowse, Philip: “”

    [3] Worthy, J. and McKool, S. (1996): “” in Ibid, p61