9 English conversation mistakes to avoid

Mohamed Shaik
Two young women on a sofa talking to eachother

As humans, we learn and grow through our interactions with other people. Often these encounters are centered around great conversations – rich, meaningful exchanges among a small group of people where each person actively listens and shares. Great discussions are invaluable – they enrich our understanding of people and the world around us. Socially, being someone who can engage effortlessly with others allows us to create deep friendships and gain incredible personal growth and satisfaction. In our careers, we are more effective when we work well with others – the ability to collaborate and solve problems together makes us more effective professionals and makes our businesses more successful.

Common English conversation mistakes

But what if you must hold a conversation in English and it is not your native language? One of the many obstacles to learning something new, like English conversation, is that it can be difficult, time-consuming and even a little scary! That’s why we put together a list of nine English conversation mistakes to avoid that apply whether you are speaking with one or several people at once. Keep these tips in mind to help you improve your interactions with people all over the world…

1) Faking interest in the person

One of the things that separates a conversation from a 'transaction' (such as ordering something in a restaurant) is the genuine mutual interest of each person in the other. If one isn’t interested in knowing more about the other person, neither will engage meaningfully, and the interaction will become transactional or just 'small talk'. Most people are fascinating – take the time to learn what you can about them.

2) Discussing negative and sensitive topics

People are more engaged and willing to share when they are relaxed and happy. Especially when you don’t know someone well, it is always better to focus on the positives – avoid both sharing your biggest troubles and bringing up topics that could be negative from a cultural, religious, political, or even personal perspective. There is always something positive to share!

3) Trying to 'win' an argument

Particularly when speaking with someone you don’t know well and/or someone from another country or background, it is precarious for a conversation (especially one where you are practicing your English conversation skills) to evolve into a debate or argument. It is likely that for any two people, there will be many points of disagreement, and if such differences emerge, it’s better to attempt to understand the other person’s point of view rather than to 'win' an argument. It is perfectly acceptable to agree to disagree about specific issues and move on.

4) Disrespecting others beliefs

If you want a great conversation, others must feel you aren’t judgmental. When someone feels their ideas and beliefs are questioned or belittled, any meaningful exchange will often shut down. Instead, try listening for understanding, and you may learn something!

5) 'Hogging' the stage

It is said that great actors make their fellow performers look great. It is the essence of teamwork, and the same principle applies to great conversationalists. Ask questions that allow others to be positive, confident, and maybe even a little boastful, but certainly remember to do it in a genuine way. The positive energy will be contagious!

6) Fearing learning something unknown

There are over seven billion people worldwide, and none are exactly like you! The greatest learning experiences are often from interactions with those who are very different from ourselves. Embrace and celebrate those differences. Allow others to share their unique perspective and journey, always keeping in mind we all share so much in common. We all want to be happy, love others, and have meaning in our lives.

7) Trying to be someone you are not

There’s only one person you can be, so don’t try to be someone else or something you are not. A great conversation is based on authenticity; most people can easily sense when another is not truthful or authentic. While keeping in mind all of the other rules, it’s both acceptable and expected for you to share your own journey!

8) Monopolizing the conversation

We’ve all been in those conversations where the other person dominates by talking incessantly. At some point, we shut down, just waiting for it to end. Active listening and learning ceases. Engagement requires participation from both parties – don’t hold back from sharing, but at the same time, don’t be that person who dominates and effectively shuts down that engagement.

9) Focusing on superficial topics

What separates a great conversation from 'small talk' is the meaningful nature of the dialog. Talking about the weather doesn’t elicit much other than maybe politeness. A great conversationalist elicits meaningful thoughts from others, and those come from purposeful questions. People love to think; asking them something that requires thoughtfulness deepens the conversation's value and strengthens the relationship between the parties.

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    1. The Beatles – Blackbird

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    Blackbird singing in the dead of night
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    2. The Cure – Friday I’m In Love

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    Always take a big bite
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    3. Ed Sheeran – Thinking Out Loud

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    Take me into your loving arms
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    4. The Smiths – How Soon Is Now?

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    I am the son
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    Of a shyness that is criminally vulgar

    5. Neil Young – Heart of Gold

    This was Neil Young’s only number-one hit single from 1972’s Harvest album. He uses simple lyrics and melodies to tell his story of searching for true love.

    I’ve been in my mind
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    That keeps me searchin’ for a heart of gold
    And I’m gettin’ old

    6. U2 – City of Blinding Lights

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    And I miss you when you’re not around
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    7. The Police – Every Breath You Take

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    Every move you make and every vow you break
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    Hey! Mr Tambourine Man, play a song for me
    I’m not sleepy and there is no place I’m going to
    Hey! Mr Tambourine Man, play a song for me
    In the jingle jangle morning I’ll come followin’ you

    9. Madness – Our House

    This song takes you through the daily goings-on in a typical household in the 80s. This song has been around for a while now but is a story that most people can still connect with. This is an excellent song for understanding the concept of nostalgia!

    I remember way back then when
    everything was true and when
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    10. Otis Reading – (Sittin’ on) The Dock of the Bay

    Sadly, Otis Redding lost his life in a plane crash shortly after this song was recorded, and it was released after his death. His lyrics are quite reflective, provoking both contentment and sadness. You can really imagine yourself sitting on the dock with his simple yet descriptive words.

    Sittin’ in the morning sun
    I’ll be sittin’ when the evening comes
    Watching the ships roll in
    Then I watch them roll away again

    11. Leonard Cohen – Everybody Knows

    No list of standout turns of phrase would be complete without Leonard Cohen, a man whose songwriting process is so painstaking he’ll often spend years on the same song. When quizzed on his process, Cohen once said it often took so long because, “After a while, if you stick with the song long enough it will yield.” It’s interesting to note then that, even for a master of the English language, the words don’t always come easily. Everybody Knows remains a firm favorite among fans, with the majority of lines starting with the words ‘Everybody knows…’ It’s a lengthy song, but for the sheer beauty of its words and phrasing, the opening lines are a highlight:

    Everybody knows that the dice are loaded
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    Everybody knows that the war is over
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    Meh

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    Use it: “The film was a bit meh.”

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    Use it: “I’m planning to binge-watch the entire series of Game of Thrones this weekend!”

    Spill the tea

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    Use it: “Please spill the tea about last week's party!"