9 English conversation mistakes to avoid

Mohamed Shaik
Two young women on a sofa talking to eachother

As humans, we learn and grow through our interactions with other people. Often these encounters are centered around great conversations ¨C rich, meaningful exchanges among a small group of people where each person actively listens and shares. Great discussions are invaluable ¨C they enrich our understanding of people and the world around us. Socially, being someone who can engage effortlessly with others allows us to create deep friendships and gain incredible personal growth and satisfaction. In our careers, we are more effective when we work well with others ¨C the ability to collaborate and solve problems together makes us more effective professionals and makes our businesses more successful.

Common English conversation mistakes

But what if you must hold a conversation in English and it is not your native language? One of the many obstacles to learning something new, like English conversation, is that it can be difficult, time-consuming and even a little scary! That¡¯s why we put together a list of nine English conversation mistakes to avoid that apply whether you are speaking with one or several people at once. Keep these tips in mind to help you improve your interactions with people all over the world¡­

1) Faking interest in the person

One of the things that separates a conversation from a 'transaction' (such as ordering something in a restaurant) is the genuine mutual interest of each person in the other. If one isn¡¯t interested in knowing more about the other person, neither will engage meaningfully, and the interaction will become transactional or just 'small talk'. Most people are fascinating ¨C take the time to learn what you can about them.

2) Discussing negative and sensitive topics

People are more engaged and willing to share when they are relaxed and happy. Especially when you don¡¯t know someone well, it is always better to focus on the positives ¨C avoid both sharing your biggest troubles and bringing up topics that could be negative from a cultural, religious, political, or even personal perspective. There is always something positive to share!

3) Trying to 'win' an argument

Particularly when speaking with someone you don¡¯t know well and/or someone from another country or background, it is precarious for a conversation (especially one where you are practicing your English conversation skills) to evolve into a debate or argument. It is likely that for any two people, there will be many points of disagreement, and if such differences emerge, it¡¯s better to attempt to understand the other person¡¯s point of view rather than to 'win' an argument. It is perfectly acceptable to agree to disagree about specific issues and move on.

4) Disrespecting others beliefs

If you want a great conversation, others must feel you aren¡¯t judgmental. When someone feels their ideas and beliefs are questioned or belittled, any meaningful exchange will often shut down. Instead, try listening for understanding, and you may learn something!

5) 'Hogging' the stage

It is said that great actors make their fellow performers look great. It is the essence of teamwork, and the same principle applies to great conversationalists. Ask questions that allow others to be positive, confident, and maybe even a little boastful, but certainly remember to do it in a genuine way. The positive energy will be contagious!

6) Fearing learning something unknown

There are over seven billion people worldwide, and none are exactly like you! The greatest learning experiences are often from interactions with those who are very different from ourselves. Embrace and celebrate those differences. Allow others to share their unique perspective and journey, always keeping in mind we all share so much in common. We all want to be happy, love others, and have meaning in our lives.

7) Trying to be someone you are not

There¡¯s only one person you can be, so don¡¯t try to be someone else or something you are not. A great conversation is based on authenticity; most people can easily sense when another is not truthful or authentic. While keeping in mind all of the other rules, it¡¯s both acceptable and expected for you to share your own journey!

8) Monopolizing the conversation

We¡¯ve all been in those conversations where the other person dominates by talking incessantly. At some point, we shut down, just waiting for it to end. Active listening and learning ceases. Engagement requires participation from both parties ¨C don¡¯t hold back from sharing, but at the same time, don¡¯t be that person who dominates and effectively shuts down that engagement.

9) Focusing on superficial topics

What separates a great conversation from 'small talk' is the meaningful nature of the dialog. Talking about the weather doesn¡¯t elicit much other than maybe politeness. A great conversationalist elicits meaningful thoughts from others, and those come from purposeful questions. People love to think; asking them something that requires thoughtfulness deepens the conversation's value and strengthens the relationship between the parties.

Discover more English tips in our other blog posts

More blogs from ɫèAV

  • Students sat together in a classroom working together

    Exploring the four Cs: Using future skills to unlock young learners¡¯ potential

    By Annie Altamirano
    Reading time: 5 minutes

    What do we mean by future skills??

    The skills students will need in their future studies and careers are dramatically different from those required previously. Times are changing rapidly and educational institutions and teachers have a critical role to play in developing those skills in our young learners so that they are able to fulfill their potential and have bright futures ahead of them.?

    These skills are referred to as future skills. There is no common consensus on how to define these skills but, broadly speaking, they can be grouped into four categories:?

    1. Ways of thinking

    Skills in this category include critical thinking, creativity, innovation, problem solving, metacognition and learning skills.

    2. Ways of working

    Here, we¡¯re talking about the skills of communication and collaboration.

    3. Tools for working

    Information literacy is an important 21st-century skill, as well as ICT literacy and citizenship, both global and local.?

    4. Life skills

    The final category covers life and career skills, and is all about personal and social responsibility.?

    One way you can encourage young learners to build these skills is through STEAM subjects (that¡¯s science, technology, engineering, arts and math), which will equip them with functional skills such as organizing, planning, cognitive flexibility and self-regulation.?

    The four Cs?

    The four Cs refer to four important skills for young learners to master: communication, collaboration, critical thinking and creativity. These are essential, not just in an educational context, but in everyday life.?

    Falling into the first two categories of future skills (ways of thinking and ways of working), these can help children build confidence and self-esteem. They also encourage healthy emotional development.??

    So let¡¯s take a closer look at the theory behind them.

    1. Communication

    We usually think of communication as speaking and listening, but it¡¯s actually much broader than that. Communication encapsulates telling stories, reading, sharing ideas and experiences, body language, facial expression, eye contact and tone. Children learn to decipher the world around them by learning and practicing these skills.

    Strong communication skills, developed early, are directly related to their literacy success. These skills allow children to articulate their thoughts and ideas effectively, and listen to decode meaning. Students then begin to use communication for a range of purposes, and communicate effectively in diverse environments. Furthermore, developing strong patterns of verbal and non-verbal communication also fosters self-esteem and social skills.?

    2. Collaboration

    Collaboration is how young children begin to build friendships with others. At first, young children will watch what others do and say, before moving on to playing together. As they get older, they become aware of other children¡¯s feelings and ideas. Friendships become motivating and they learn how to make compromises and respect each other¡¯s perspectives and skills.?

    Collaboration is enhanced through group work and project-based activities, sharing time with peers. Children thrive when they feel valued by the people around them, not just adults but their peers too.?

  • Business people stood together around a laptop in a office

    Learning English and employability

    By Tas Viglatzis
    Reading time: 4 minutes

    English not only opens up career opportunities beyond national borders; it is a key requirement for many jobs. It¡¯s also no longer a case of just learning English for employability, but mastering English for business ¨C and that means an on-going commitment to learn.

    My experience is consistent with this trend. If I had to estimate the value that being fluent in English has had on my career, I'd say it was my entire life¡¯s earnings. Learning English has offered me educational options beyond the borders of my own country and enabled me to develop the skills to work for global companies that operate across national boundaries. I have been privileged to work in different countries in roles that have spanned functions, geographies and markets ¨C and my ability to learn and evolve my English skills has been an underlying factor throughout.

  • A teacher showing her students a globe, with her students looking at the globe, one with a magnifying glass in hand.

    What¡¯s it like to teach English in Turkey?

    By Steffanie Zazulak
    Reading time: 3 minutes

    Alice Pilkington qualified as a CELTA (Certificate in Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages) certified teacher in October 2009. She started working in Rome before moving to Istanbul, where she¡¯s spent the past three and a half years teaching English to ¡°everyone from 8-year-olds to company executives; students to bored housewives¡±. Having taught in two very different countries to a diverse range of English learners, Alice shares with us the five lessons she¡¯s learned:

    1. Don't take things personally when you're teaching English

    "I am probably not emotionally suited for this job. I take everything very personally and if a lesson goes wrong or an activity I have taken time and energy to plan doesn¡¯t work, I feel like a complete failure. It¡¯s a trial and error experience but when things go wrong, they can go very wrong, and it really makes you doubt your abilities as a teacher.

    Having said that, the lessons that do go well can make up for these negative feelings. I shouldn¡¯t take things personally; the majority of my colleagues don¡¯t and it saves them a lot of sleepless nights"

    2. Teaching English is incredibly rewarding

    "There are very few feelings that I¡¯ve experienced that compare to seeing a student use a word that you have taught them ¨C it makes you feel like a proud parent. Equally, seeing a student improve over a series of months is so joyful.?I have been teaching English university preparation students for the past year.

    In September, they could barely say what their name was and what they did over the weekend. Nine months on and they¡¯re capable of reading academic texts and speaking at length about marketing strategies and environmental problems. It¡¯s a wonderful thing to observe"

    3. Teach more than just English

    "Turkish students love hearing about how you appreciate their food and cultural traditions. Equally, they are genuinely interested in understanding how things operate in the UK and enjoy hearing personal anecdotes.?I tend to be very open with my students ¨C even about my personal life.?I think it is partly because I have striven from the very beginning of my career to be seen as their equal.

    Turkish students are used to having a huge respect for teachers, and there is a hierarchical system in schools here, which I can never go along with. In my first lesson with most students, I tell them that they must call me by my first name (usually you refer to teachers here as ¡®hocam¡¯ which means ¡®my teacher¡¯ and shows respect) and this can take a long while for them to get used to."

    4. Failure to prepare is to prepare for failure... or is it?

    "Lessons that you spend hours preparing for generally don¡¯t go as well as you had hoped. There were several times when I¡¯d spend hours cutting and sticking things on pieces of card and placing pictures all over the classroom, hoping it would get some vocabulary action going, only to start the class and receive no response from the students.

    Conversely, lessons where you don¡¯t feel very motivated or have no idea what you are going to do until you get into the classroom (which I call the ¡®flying by the seat of your pants¡¯ lessons) can turn out to be the best ones. I once had a lesson in which I was, admittedly, rather hungover. On the way to the lesson, I grabbed a book called ¡®Taboos and Issues¡¯, full of discussion topics, which I used as a basis for a rather impromptu lesson on addictions, which was very successful indeed."

    5. Teaching English isn't easy

    "Teaching English is a love/hate profession. There are weeks when you absolutely loathe it and want to quit, but then within the space of a lesson or two, you get inspired by something completely unexpected, rediscover your joy for it and love it again."